So many mistakes, so little time left: Perhaps none at all. So much effort of such little consequence. Waking hours are spent in a restless tumble in the sheets. The time for sleep is a lethargic monotone of alcohol, cigarettes and denial. Mary Jane may have made things worse, but she could have numbed the pain of watching myself swirl down the drain of 20 years of accomplishment. Expectation, and the cowardice to challenge it are a pair of deadly bedfellows. There are options. There are always options. But none that I would be proud to take. Not that the ones I have done have served me any better. I was not ready. I still am not. Give me back the last 5 years. But it is not yours to give, nor am I worthy of receiving it again.
Jack of all, master of none. Unharnessable potential. Ignorance, inertia, procrastination. Useless.
For you that made it, I smile. For you that didnt, I embrace. For you that arent quite sure, I wish you well. For you that is me, I wish you naught. You failed me, as I failed you.
What will save me? What will take me away? For now I have my alcohol, cigarettes and denial.
6 comments:
The pic. says it all, and more. Messy part is, some of us have neither alcohol nor tobacco to turn to. Denial's all we've got. Hurts all the more.
This too shalt pass, or will it?
You may not be proud to take the options you have, but atleast you've got options. (I know thats probably not what you want to hear, but its there; I'm not trying to be mean)
I would say you are worthy of receiving those five years back. Not that you're going to get them by me saying that r otherwise, but don't put yourself down like that. Cause you frankly dont deserve the s*** that you're doling out to yourself.
And thirdly, wtf is with "jack of all, master of none"? In a word, bulls***. I think you are a brilliant photographer. Not a "Jack" in any way at all. And your bleddy potential is NOT unharnessable.
You'll survive, and make something good of it.
I'll keep my fingers crossed for you, even though you probably wont need it.
XOXO
Couldn't agree more.
The ability to express,
With such finesse...
The power of your words and art,
Surely you know they set the scythe apart!
U would have genuinely failed the greatness u envision,
Only of u stopped ur questioning -if this angst were to remain hidden.
Periods of despairing lull can both destroy and create,
Become worthy of yourself- know your potential and ameliorate.
Not for the world, your blog or a girl u desire,
But for yourself, for your voice, your fire.
(words spoken to the background music of- “this lil light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine…” :) hehehe)
nicely put,
cool blog
Benzy (taking the liberty to over familiarize), don't tell me you will end up like this in 2 years from now.
I don't believe it, and I am sure you don't too.
Nice one...dude...
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